Be Kind to Yourself: Real Talk on Mental Health & Wellbeing

In this honest and relatable episode, mental health first aider Louise Conner shares her personal journey and practical tips for maintaining wellbeing. From breaking stigma to finding what truly works for you, this episode offers simple, real-life ways to build resilience, prioritise self-care, and ask for support when you need it most.

For more information on this topic and more, please visit www.mercia-group.com for further details.

Transcript

Hi all. I thought it was about time for me to do a podcast 'cause it's been a little while since my last one. So for those of you that don't know me, my name is Louise Conner and I am Mercy's Management and Skills trainer. So I wanted to do this podcast on the back of Mental Health Awareness Week. So for those of you that are aware of it, this is a week to really promote awareness around mental health. 

11th to the 17th of May, it runs funny actually, 'cause I mentioned this earlier that it's Mental Health Awareness Week and somebody said, I wasn't aware of that, so I just thought it'd be a good chance to come on and speak a little bit about mental health. While we're trying to ra while we're trying to raise this awareness. 

I am also a mental health first aider, so it's something I'm very passionate about. I'm very passionate about promoting wellbeing. I do a lot of courses around wellbeing, resilience, stress management. So it's something that's really important to me and something that I try and promote and openly talk about. 

And one thing I am delighted about is that we do talk about mental health a lot more than we used to. When I think back to, you know, 20 plus years ago when I started my career, I'm not gonna say how many, 'cause then I'll be telling you all how old I am, but we didn't really talk about mental health. It wasn't really a topic that was ever brought up, you know, bit of stigma attached to it. 

And I think there is still a bit of stigma attached to mental health that, you know, we need to keep fighting to remove. It's not something that's a sign of weakness if we're struggling, if we're finding, you know, work life challenging, it's not a sign of weakness to admit that we need support and then we need help. 

It's actually a real sign of strength, I think to speak up and say, do you know what? I need some support. I am finding this week, this month particularly challenging at the moment. I've got a lot going on. Yeah, a real advocate for wellbeing mental health. So I just wanted to talk to you a little bit about what inspired me to become a mental health First aider. 

And really it was to find out more about people's challenges and the support that is out there. And once I looked into this, I realised that there is so much support out there. It's just knowing where to find it, how to access it. But not only that, not only for others, for myself, you know, I have had my own mental health struggles, I have had situations in life that I've had to navigate and I've found particularly difficult. 

So it's not only to support others, but definitely for my own personal journey as well. And I'm, you know, I'm proud to say that I have. Reached out to support around, and it has helped me navigate certain situations. So one thing I always say, and I think this is a real key thing to say to you all, is that we're all on our own journey. 

Don't compare yourself to others. I think we do that too much sometimes. You know, we compare ourselves to people at work and, you know, they don't look stressed and they seem to cope with everything. And why do I find it all so difficult? But we don't know what people are going through on the inside, and some people are just better at hiding it than others. 

So what I always say is, you know, never compare yourself to others. You're on your own unique journey. And if you need that help, if you need that support, then you know, it's absolutely fine to reach out and ask for that. But also just being aware of where you can access that support for yourself. I also want you to think about what you do to help with your mental health. 

Wellbeing and resilience kind of go hand in hand. So if our wellbeing is good, we tend to be a little bit more resilient. If our wellbeing is affected, then of course, you know, we're not gonna feel so resilient. And let's be realistic. There are some days when we feel like we can take on challenges easier just find them easier to navigate. 

And other days where we don't, and there's lots of contributing factors, isn't there? It could be that I've just got a lot going on in my personal life, or I've not had enough sleep or, you know, work is particularly challenging that week. So there's lots of different reasons, but I think what's important is to recognise what you need to do to try and look after yourself and look after your own mental health and your own wellbeing. 

So just to give you some tips on what I like to do, and we're all different, so I might give you my tips and you go, oh no, Louise, that's awful. I wouldn't wanna do that. That would just make me feel worse. But it's what works for you. Again, like I said we're all unique and we do what's right for us. 

So for me, it's being outside. I like to be in nature. I have these mindful moments where I, the other day it was looking at the sun, just peeping through the clouds and you could see the rays of sun just peeping through the clouds. And I was with my sister on a walk and I said to her, I just got to stop. 

Literally stopped her in her tracks. And I said, just look at how beautiful that is. Just take a moment and kind of capture that. Picture of our beautiful surroundings in your mind, like I've taken a little photograph in your mind. So I like to be outside. I do try and walk my dog most lunchtime, obviously. 

If I'm working from home, not if I'm out at a client from, that'd be difficult. But yeah, I try and take the dog for a walk just to get me out of the house. Sometimes I don't feel like it, if I've got a lot on or I'm too busy or I just think, oh, I just can't be bothered today. I try and make sure that I do have that break, to have a little walk, just even if it's 15 minutes round the block, because for me it just helps me to reset, gets the endorphins going just gets me outside, gets that little bit of fresh air. 

So I do find that helpful. I like to go to the gym. Exercise for me really lifts my mood, but like I said, it's everyone's different. I have recently been trying to talk my nearly 48-year-old, slightly overweight husband into joining the gym with me as not his cup of tea, not something he wants to do. It doesn't enjoy it, so that wouldn't help his wellbeing. 

It would, it, you know, would make him feel worse. So it's looking at what works for him and, you know, his is a nice gentle stroll along the canal by where we live with some beautiful surroundings. Usually bribing him with a pub halfway through the route that we're doing. I did that the other day. 

I got him to do a three mile walk with me, but the deal was that there was a pub halfway along the route where he could stop for a swift pint. That's how I kind of talk him into to what I like to do with the exercise thing, but something that suits him, nothing that's too strenuous, you know, putting him in a gym class full of people would not help his mood and would definitely not help his wellbeing. 

So it's finding out what's right for you. What I've learned over the years is not to neglect the things that make you feel better, and I think we're guilty of that. So when work becomes particularly busy, when we're, you know, trying to hit deadlines, we're stretched. We start to neglect the things that we enjoy. 

So that might be, even that we don't take a break and we'd cancel plans with our friends or, you know, we don't go to the gym class that night, or I don't go on my lunchtime walk. I don't do my usual lunchtime catch up over a cup of tea or coffee with my friends in the office because I'm too busy. What I've learned is that is actually counterproductive because I don't reset. 

I don't. Have that quality time that I need to do the things that I enjoy that just help me to kind of regain that focus and start again. So I do think that we do start to sacrifice the things that make us feel better. So it's really making a conscious effort that if you've noticed recently that you're not having as many breaks, or you are not going on your lunchtime walks, or you're not having conversations with your friends or you're cancelling plans because you know we're too busy, really start to think about putting those in place again and making a conscious effort to do the things that you enjoy and do the things that make you feel better. 

So one thing I will mention to you, and it's something that I follow and I like to do, is, and it's worth you having a look at to see what you enjoy and what's gonna help you. So it's something called a self-care wheel. I like this. So I found this a while ago actually. It was a training course that I think I was on and I've used this going forward. 

So it's a great thing to do. So look this up, self-care wheel, and it puts our self-care into six categories. And what you need to do is fill out in the categories the things that you enjoy doing. So it puts it into the things that we like to do that help us for physical movement, psychological, emotional, spiritual, personal, and professional. 

And when you find examples of this self-care wheel, it will give you examples of the things that you can put into that. You know, when I look at psychological, for example, and I look at some of the things that I've done that do help my wellbeing, it's self-reflection. I do a lot of that. I've done I've kept journals before, so just putting my feelings down on paper helped me kind of get them out into the world. 

So I'm not telling anybody how I'm feeling or what I'm going through at that time, but just writing them down. So keeping a journal has helped me. If I look at, I'm looking at the emotional side, you know, laughter is good for the soul. Luckily I have a hilarious husband that makes me laugh most days, unintentionally most days as well. 

But, you know, laughter is good for the soul, but sometimes I feel like I wanna sit and watch a sad movie and just have a little cry and get it out of my system. Actually one of my favourites to do that too is the Notebook. Nicholas Sparks beautiful film, but so sad. When I'm in a good mood and I'm feeling quite chipper and I see that song, it's one of my favourite films, but I think, oh, I can't watch that today because I'm just not in the mood for sobbing my heart out. 

But if I sometimes feel like I just want a bit of time to myself, to, you know, have a little cry have a bit of alone time you know, that's okay as well. So what I'm saying to you is find out the things within your self-care will that you can try and experiment with. And it doesn't always work. I mean, if I look at spiritual yoga is in there, I've tried that. 

I just didn't, I didn't like it so much. I did try it, but it's not for me. So it's just, if something doesn't work to begin with, don't be too hard on yourself. Just think that's not worked for me. That hasn't made me feel better. It's not right for me. I'll try something else. So sometimes it's just a bit trial and a bit of trial and error to find out what's right for you. 

Now I'm telling you all the things that I like to do to help with my own wellbeing. But what I will say to you is there are days where I've got a gym class booked and I don't feel like it, I'm like, actually, I'm not gonna go to the gym tonight. I'm going to gain my pyjamas as soon as I finish work at five 30. 

Again, this is when I'm working from home, you know, not when I'm commuting on the tube coming back from London. I'm not gonna be getting the train back to Birmingham in my pyjamas. But yeah, if I'm working from home, five 30 comes, I'm gonna get in my pyjamas and I am going to have a glass of wine and watch some tv. 

That doesn't take a lot of brain power. I, my guilty pleasures are, yeah, TV programmes where I don't really have to use my brain to think about it. So my latest one has been married at First Sight Australia. Easy watch, don't really have to think about it. So yeah, if you don't commit to some of the things that you want to do, again, it's okay. 

It's okay to have those days where I'm just gonna switch off and have a lazy afternoon or just chill and watch a bit of trash TV as my husband would call it. So I will just finish on a point of be kind to yourself. Don't see reaching out for help as a sign of weakness. It's a real strength to actually speak up and say, I just need some support now. 

And I actually saw a post, I think it was on LinkedIn the other day, and it made me laugh and it just put it into perspective. I won't read the quote word for word because there's a naughty word in there, but it does say I'm not overwhelmed because I can't handle it. I'm overwhelmed because I do handle it. 

All of it, all the beep time. And it just made me laugh because it's right, we've become overwhelmed because we do try and hold it together and we do try and handle it all of the time when actually we don't need to. 'cause there is the support out there. So have a look at what's available to you. If you've got an employee assistance programme, just take a moment to have a look at what's on there. 

I didn't realise how much was on Mercers until I actually looked into it. There are webinars, there are articles, there's helplines that you can reach out to. And I didn't realise until I, I really had a good look into it. So just take a little bit of time out to see what's available to you. And yeah, be kind to yourselves please and most importantly, look after yourselves and take care. 

Thank you for listening.